"Sometimes, I think my Mum is plain stupid! I mean, the times I've heard her talking to her friends: - "I don't know how they do it, but the dogs always know when we're going to a Show, days before! They get all excited, and I'm sure they even know who's going and who isn't. It's uncanny!"
Uncanny? Rubbish! You don't have to be very clever when you get so many clues! Even I can work it out by myself, and I'm the youngest. She brushes us, and fiddles about with the scissors, clipping off the odd hair here and there, for days before we go. She puts us in the bath, clips toenails and cleans ears and teeth. Then, about two days before, she starts to sneak show leads and bedding out of the cupboard-under-the-stairs. We pretend not to notice, to humour her. The day before, she packs the car, and then in the morning, we're really sure that this is the day. Easy! We have to wear raincoats, and she comes outside and nags at us to go to the loo; which she never does usually. And the final gesture - when we know we're off in a minute - she gets out the metal flask and makes lots of coffee, to "keep her going"!
I mean - how could anyone not notice all of this? And of course the ones who are not going know - they haven't been in the bath! Bethan and Zara have been long-faced for days. Me and Corinne make them feel worse by strutting about together, whispering to each other! Na! Na!
Must be nearly time to go. What's she doing now??? Oh, never!! She's hoovering the AGA!!
She's telling Dad that there are dog hairs up the flue, but I ask you?! Mind you, a lot of them are mad. My friend Rhianne tells me that her Mum actually takes her eyes out every night at bedtime. Then she has to put them back in again in the morning, before they can go anywhere. There's no wonder she says she can't see in the dark!
Well, we've done the toilet bit, and yes, she's making the coffee! Corinne says it's time to start shouting. So we do; as do all the ones not going. We have to shout as well, because she's getting quite forgetful these days!
Once we are in the cages in the car we can be quiet, and settle down on our lovely travel bedding (real wool, you know!). The others are still shouting in the house; in fact Zara sounds hysterical. Mum has to go back in and talk to her, but she's still wailing!
Corinne says to shout again 'cause there's an empty cage in the car. Who's she forgotten? Oh, here come Rhianne and Jana with their Mum. That's great - we like them. "Hi - how are you two?" Kiss, Kiss. Wiggle, Wiggle! Well we're all in now. Let's go!! Come on!!
At last, we're off. We sit and watch the cars go by - Oh - we've stopped. But we're not on the boat yet. No, we're in a car queue - hope this doesn't take too long.
"BANG"! What's that?
Gosh - some human nit has reversed into our car on purpose. That's road-rage, I've heard about that! They're really not very well behaved, these humans, are they? What a racket! They're arguing now. Mum looks upset. Oh look, Corinne, a policeman - let's give him a wiggle! He's not looking - never mind - we're actually going on the boat now. We can have a nice nap.
What a boring journey. Our Mum and their Mum go on about the road-rage man the WHOLE time! We're glad to arrive at Poppy and Jake's garden, where we stay when we're on holiday.
Show day today. Another good kip in the car, while we vaguely listen to our Mums chattering about things like A-something and M-something, and being lost. She never gets lost really - we always end up where we intended, don't we?
Out of the car and onto our new trolley - great. We shout at all the other dogs as we go by. Mum tells us to stop - but she doesn't understand - you have to, don't you? "We're higher than you! We don't have to walk! Look at us!" Na! Na! More sleeping on the benches. Not a lot to do at shows really.
It's MY Turn! Off we go! "Keep your head still," says Mum. But I want to look at that funny, hairy dog over there. Spinone! What a silly name! It's over. Did I win anything? Yes, I think so, here comes the biscuit. Goody, I can sleep for the rest of the day now.
She's taking me off the bench again. What now? Stakes class. Oh this is better; it's on grass, outside - lovely. What a lot of dogs in this class! I can't even count them all. This will take ages. My turn now. Yes - great - I did go well, didn't I Mum?
This is getting boring! It's like a car-queue, and Mum's busy talking to that man. I know, I'll play my new game. I discovered this game a few weeks ago, in the garden. It's easy, anyone can play it. You paddle your paws on the grass for a while - and then eventually a worm sticks his head out to see who it is. Quick, get him in your front teeth, hold on - and PULL. He tries to go back in, but if you pull hard enough, he either comes right out; or even better, pings in half. You can still play with the half - it keeps wriggling - and then when it stops, you can eat it - quite tasty!
Got one!! I'm pulling like mad, when the lady next to Mum starts this awful shrieking. "Look at your dog! Oh how disgusting! Stop it!" Mum is embarrassed, and tries to stop me, so I eat the worm quickly. More squawking from the other woman. We have to move away. I don't know why they get so upset - don't they have any fun in their lives?
Oh, we're off. Over there. Yet another prolonged stand "Keep still". Yes, yes. There - we're going out with loads of other dogs. Didn't get anything for that, then!
Never mind. I still get my biscuit!"
